Harry's in the House
by SinfulPerfection
Summary: When Harry contracts a muggle illness, St. Mungo's is baffled. So Dr. House agrees to take the case. But House is a little too interested in wizardry, and Ron is a little too interested in Cameron. Despite all of this, will they save Harry in time?
1. Trouble in Transfiguration

**A/N: I'm not usually a fan of crossovers, but I thought this might be kind of fun. So in order to read this, you need to pretend that Harry and Co. are in their sixth year at some point during the third season of House. Also, a warning: my medical expertise comes solely from the internet. So please bear with me if anything is totally incorrect.**

"Hey mate, what's up?" Ron asked Harry as they headed to Transfiguration class. "You haven't been yourself lately."

"I'm fine," Harry replied.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Harry snapped. "Sorry…I didn't mean to yell. I guess I just haven't been sleeping well lately."

"You're not…having those dreams about You-Know-Who again, are you?" Ron asked, concerned.

"No, nothing like that," Harry assured him. They reached the Transfiguration classroom and entered to meet up with the rest of the sixth years, including Hermione.

"We're getting our essays back," she said as soon as they had sat down. "How do you think you did?"

"Oh come on, Hermione, do we really need to stress out about every grade we ever get?" Ron asked, rolling his eyes.

"Well, considering that you failed the last one, I would think you'd be concerned—"

"Shut up!" Harry said suddenly. They both looked at him. Harry immediately regretted his outburst. "Do you two really need to bicker all the time?" he said in a quieter voice.

"Sorry, mate," Ron said, exchanging a look with Hermione. They both looked worried. Harry wanted to tell them off for being so concerned, but before he could, Professor McGonagall entered the classroom.

"Good morning, class," she said, and everyone immediately went quiet. "Today we are going to be reviewing Vanishing spells as they pertain to large animals. But first, I need someone to pass back the essays…Mr. Weasley, would you be so kind?"

Ron got up from his seat and went to the front of the class to collect the essays. As he started passing them back, Professor McGonagall opened her mouth to speak once more, but before she could, there was a loud retching sound from the back of the classroom.

"Neville!" Lavender Brown shouted, sliding her desk away from the vomiting boy next to her. Neville Longbottom was throwing up uncontrollably in the back of the classroom.

"Mr. Longbottom, are you okay?" McGonagall asked in shock. Neville lifted his head and was about to say something to her before he was silenced by another wave of vomit.

"Oh, dear!" McGonagall said. "Someone, take him to the hospital wing!"

"Wait!" Ron said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, two colored candy. Ripping off one end, he gave it to Neville, who forced it into his mouth and immediately stopped vomiting.

"I thought I was eating a mint!" Neville gasped, wiping his mouth.

"Careful there, mate," Ron said with a nervous laugh. "Fred and George leave those Puking Pastilles all over the place. Best not to eat anything, if you ask me."

"Thanks," Neville said breathlessly. Professor McGonagall hurried to the back of the room and performed a Vanishing spell on the puke on the floor.

"Okay," she said. "Now that Mr. Longbottom is okay, I would like everyone to please--"

Her voice faded away as a searing pain shot through Harry's abdomen. He moaned and clutched his stomach, certain he was going to throw up just like Neville. But he didn't, and the pain intensified. Harry moaned louder.

"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione whispered from beside him. Several people heard and turned around.

"My stomach," Harry gasped. "It hurts—AHHH!" he let out a yell. The entire class was looking at him now. Harry fell off his chair, doubled up in agony. His yell turned into a scream.

"Somebody do something!" Hermione shrieked.

*CUE _HOUSE_ OPENING CREDITS*

**A/N: Okay, that was just the short teaser. The other chapters will be longer. Reviews appreciated!**


	2. Harry Meets House

"New case!" House said, tossing files to Cameron, Foreman, and Chase. The three doctors were sitting around the glass table in the Diagnostics room drinking coffee. Each took a file and opened it.

"Yesterday morning, patient suffered severe abdominal pain in one of his classes at school. He was rushed to the hospital nearby, who gave him some sort of weird painkiller. Experimental treatment," House said, his disproval evident in his voice. "Nurses are trying to flush it out of his system."

"House, this history seems very incomplete," Cameron said, flipping through the file. "There's no record that he ever got any vaccinations or even went for yearly checkups since he was eleven years old. And before that, he only did what was necessary to enroll at school—never came in with anything, not even a cold."

"The British are weird that way," House said. "Sorry Chase."

"I'm Australian—"

"Anyway," House began loudly, but before he could get another word out, Cuddy entered his office.

"House," she said. "I need to talk to you about this case."

"I'm in the middle of a differential," House said, annoyed.

"Now!" House sighed, and began to leave the room. "Chase, give him some morphine. Cameron and Foreman, look for toxins, check the blood. I'll be back when the cow is done with me." Cuddy shot House an angry look and sped off to her office. House followed, leaving his team to take care of the patient.

"Shut the door, House," Cuddy said when he entered. She sat down at her desk. "This is no ordinary patient, okay? He specifically came from England to see you. The government there is worried about his protection."

"The government? Why do they care about the kid?"

"His parents died when he was young. He lived with his relatives, who took care of him until he was eleven. Then he went to boarding school. He's a _wizard_, House."

House laughed. "What are you smoking?"

"I'm serious, House," Cuddy said, looking at him disapprovingly. "The Ministry of Magic—that's the government I was referring to—had a representative speak to me directly. The boy's disease is not magical, that's why they need you to figure out what he has. But they're extremely worried about the boy's protection. I need you to sign this contract, saying that you won't tell anyone what you know. And when you tell your team, I need them to sign one too."

House gave Cuddy an odd look. "Look," Cuddy continued, irritation in her voice, "don't believe me if you want. Fine. I didn't believe it either. But just sign the damn contract so we don't get sued, alright?"

House sighed and took out a pen. He scribbled his name on the paper. Then he looked up at Cuddy. "Why did he come all the way from England?"

"There's someone after him over there. The guy who told me was too scared to say his name. But he said that if the boy was in a hospital there without magical protection, he would be in danger. That's why he came here. And they're sending two guards to be on his room at all times."

"Evil wizards, magical guards?" House said thoughtfully. "Well, at least it'll make this case more interesting," he rolled his eyes. "They don't need to worry. Sounds like appendicitis. We'll know when Cameron comes back with the blood tests."

"Alright then," Cuddy said. "But please, _please_, be careful. They could sue us for more money than the whole hospital is worth."

"Don't worry," House said as he headed towards the door. "I'll watch out for the fire-breathing dragons."

()()()

"The morphine should make the pain go away soon," Chase said, starting Harry's IV. "How are you feeling now?"

"It's bearable," Harry said through gritted teeth. "The spell must be wearing off," he muttered to himself.

"What?" Chase asked.

"Nothing," Harry said quickly.

"Okay," Chase said. "I'll be back in an hour. Be sure to let me know if the pain doesn't start to go away." Harry nodded. Chase left, and Cameron came in shortly afterwards.

"Hi, Harry," she said. "I'm Dr. Cameron."

"Hi," Harry said. It was a relief to hear someone call him by his name. He had never been in a hospital before, and the experience was quite nerve wracking. Being treated like an inanimate object all the time didn't help.

"I'm going to prick your finger to take a blood sample," Cameron explained. "This will tell us if you have an infection." Harry watched as she pricked his finger and collected the blood. He didn't even flinch. "Does that hurt?" Cameron asked.

"I'm used to pain," Harry said, able to speak more normally as the morphine started to take effect. "Sports injuries and stuff like that. And my head…I get, um, migraines."

"Oh, really?" Cameron asked. "So then the stomach pain…"

"Worse than anything," Harry said, completing Cameron's thoughts.

"Hm," Cameron said thoughtfully. Then she handed Harry a cup. "I'm going to need to take a urine sample," she said. "Do you need help getting up?"

"I can manage," Harry said with a smile. He carefully got out of bed, taking the IV stand with him as he walked to the bathroom. Cameron stood near the door.

"What's this test for?" Harry called from the bathroom.

"It's called a tox screen. We need to test for toxins in your system."

"You mean like drugs?" Harry came out of the bathroom, holding the cup. "I've never done drugs in my life, I swear."

"You may have taken something unintentionally," Cameron said gently. "It's best for us to check." She took the cup from Harry and put the lid on, sticking it in her lab coat with the blood sample. Then she stayed in the room to make sure Harry was able to get back into the bed.

"Do you know if anyone's coming?" Harry asked. "To visit me, I mean?"

"Dr. Cuddy said she would be in charge of contacting your family—"

"My parents are dead," Harry said quickly. "I live with my aunt and uncle, but I doubt they'll be dropping in."

"I'm sorry," Cameron said quietly. "But we'll have to check with your legal guardians before we can administer any treatment. So I'm sure your aunt and uncle will want to come by."

"Oh," Harry said, looking doubtful.

"Don't worry. We'll sort everything out," she said with a reassuring smile.

"Okay," Harry said, trying to smile back. He wished he could send an owl to Ron and Hermione, but he doubted the muggle doctors would let birds into the hospital. Sighing, he leaned back into the pillows and tried to fall asleep. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

()()()

"Tox screen is clean," Foreman announced as he and Cameron entered House's office. "And the blood test."

"So it's not appendicitis," House said. "Sit down. I need to talk to all of you." He beckoned to Chase, who was sitting in the Diagnostics room.

"Yes?" he said when he came in.

"So," House said slowly. "Apparently, this patient is, in fact, a wizard. And apparently, a much eviler, larger, and healthier wizard is after him. And apparently, two funny looking guards need to watch over him twenty-four seven. And we have to sign contracts saying we won't tell anyone." Three pairs of eyes blinked confusedly at him.

"How much Vicoden have you been taking?" Foreman said finally.

"Cuddy told me all of this! Go yell at her! In the meantime, sign these papers so she doesn't find an excuse to chop off my balls." He waved the paper at their faces. Chase looked apprehensive, but signed a contract. Foreman and Cameron followed.

"Do you know if anyone's coming to see him?" Cameron asked when they were done.

"Why?" House asked suspiciously.

"He asked. He must be scared, he's never been to a hospital before."

"Who cares? But yes. Cuddy's greeting the guards downstairs. They brought some ugly kids with them. Must be his friends."

"So what should we do now?" Foreman asked. "The only symptom we have is abdominal pain, and still no idea what caused it."

"Chase, look up every possible cause of abdominal pain. Cameron, go check on the patient since you're the only one who can stand him. Foreman, go do…something." House said authoritatively, turning on the T.V. in his office. Chase sighed, but left without argument. Cameron followed him out of the room and down the hall.

"Uh, the patient's room is that way," Chase said, turning around and seeing Cameron following him.

"He can wait," Cameron said, grabbing Chase's hand and pulling him into a nearby storage closet. She closed the door behind him and turned, only to have Chase's lips meet her own. "Aren't you usually supposed to put up more of a fight than this?" Cameron asked once he pulled away.

"I'm feeling rebellious," Chase said, leaning in to kiss Cameron again. This time, she did not break the contact.

()()()

"Harry!" Hermione said as she entered his room. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Harry said with a smile.

"Blimey," Ron said, eyeing the machinery in the room. "Dad didn't have any of this stuff when he was at St. Mungo's last year."

"Yeah, this muggle stuff is weird, isn't it?" Harry said. "Still, I 'spose they must know what they're doing. The Healers were completely baffled, said they had no idea what had happened."

"That's really quite strange," Hermione said, torn between concern for Harry and fascination at the muggle hospital room. "I wonder what all of this stuff does."

"Search me," Harry said with a shrug. "Who are they?" He indicated the two men outside his room, who he guessed were wizards due to the fact that they were dressed in mismatched muggle clothing that no one had worn since the 80s.

"Aurors," Hermione said. "They're here to protect you. Not that I think anything will happen," she said quickly. "Dumbledore told us that he placed some basic spells on this hospital, and no one knows you're here. Everyone thinks you're still at St. Mungo's."

At that moment, Cameron came into the room. She seemed breathless and was smoothing her hair. "How are you feeling, Harry?" she asked.

"The pain's almost completely gone," he said. "Thanks." Cameron looked around at Ron and Hermione. "Oh, er, Ron, Hermione, this is Dr. Cameron."

"Hello," Hermione said politely.

"Hi," Ron said, staring at her with an odd expression on his face.

"Hey," Cameron smiled at them both. She turned back to Harry. He had just started on his lunch, which the nurses had brought in for him. He took a large bite of his sandwich and his smile faded as he swallowed. "Are you okay?" Cameron asked, nearing the bed.

"I think so," Harry said slowly. Then he leaned forward suddenly, and retched over the side of the bed, narrowly missing Cameron's shoes. Cameron backed away quickly, and Harry threw up several more times. Ron and Hermione looked sick. Two nurses came rushing in from the outside to clean up.

"What's wrong with him?" Hermione asked, worriedly.

Cameron looked at her. "We're not sure."

**A/N: Thanks for reading! And thanks for pretending that this entire story would somehow be possible :)**


	3. Cameron and House go to Magic Castle

"He had only taken one bite, then he threw up," Cameron announced. House wrote 'Vomiting' on the whiteboard. "He said he wasn't in any pain right before he became nauseous.

"Lead poisoning?" Foreman suggested.

"Tox screen was clean, remember?" Cameron said.

"Could be a false negative, or the lead could be in the blood but have already cleared out of the urine," Foreman explained.

"We'll have to check his house to be sure, though."

"His school, you mean," Chase said. "He goes to boarding school."

"Yeah but either way, it's in England," Cameron said. "We'll have to find another way."

"Maybe not," House said. "If these happy hotel escapees are _really_ wizards, they could probably get us there pretty fast. Maybe they brought their flying carpets."

"You don't really think…" Foreman began. He looked from Cameron to Chase and back to House. Chase shrugged. Cameron looked uneasy. House was looking thoughtfully into the distance.

"How is his condition now?" House said finally.

"The nurses gave him phenothiazine for the nausea," Cameron said.

"Phenothiazine, just for nausea?" Foreman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He was restless too, and he said he hadn't slept in a little while. I thought it might help."

"It's his first time in a hospital, of course he's restless," Foreman said. "Doesn't mean we have to give him meds for it."

"If being restless _is_ a symptom, it could be indicative of lead poisoning," Chase said. "Lead poisoning can cause personality changes, as well as depression and mood swings."

"He also said he gets migraines," Cameron said, remembering her earlier conversation with Harry.

"Which would fit lead poisoning, if they started recently," Chase added.

"Go ask him about it," House said. Chase began to stand. "Not you. Cameron. She's less intimidating. Maybe he'll tell her how we can get to England and back before my favorite T.V. show is on."

"Not like you ever check out patient's homes, anyway," Chase muttered. Unfortunately for him, House heard.

"Why don't you go finish checking that list of diseases that cause abdominal pain," House said loudly. Chase groaned, getting up from his chair.

"You want me to ask about this magic stuff?" Cameron said, looking at House.

"See if you can seduce it out of him," House said with a smirk.

()()()

"We gave you some medicine for the nausea and the insomnia," Cameron said as she walked into Harry's room.

"Okay," Harry said. He looked worse than he had a few hours ago; his face was pale and he was no longer smiling.

"Listen…" Cameron began. She looked at Ron and Hermione. "Are these friends from school?"

"All my friends are from school," Harry said with a slight smile.

"Okay, well I need to know…" Cameron thought of how to best phrase her question. "When we admitted you, we were told that you were um…a wizard, and that you went to a wizard school. Is that true?"

"I know you won't believe me but yes, it's true," Harry said. Ron and Hermione nodded in agreement.

"We try to keep ourselves secret from the muggle world, but in emergency cases such as these, the Ministry has to tell people. I've heard that the current muggle Prime Minister is always informed. And of course, when muggles marry wizards, they always know," Hermione explained to Cameron in an official sort of voice. Cameron no longer looked disbelieving; in fact, she was intrigued.

"Muggle?" she asked.

"People who aren't wizards," Hermione explained. Cameron looked thoughtful again.

"You're symptoms suggest lead poisoning, unfortunately the best way to test for that is to check for toxins in your home—in this case, your school. Given that it's extremely far away, we were wondering…"

"We could Apparate you," Ron said, speaking finally.

"Apparate?"

"Yeah…basically disappearing from one place and reappearing in another, instantaneously. We just passed our tests. That's how we got here."

"Side-along Apparition," Hermione said slowly. "I've never done it, but I assume it's the same general idea…"

"Really?" Cameron asked in awe.

"Maybe the guards should take you, though," Hermione said. "We're still kind of new at this."

"No way," Ron said quickly. "The guards won't want muggles anywhere near the wizarding world. We should take them to Hogwarts, Dumbledore'll let them in."

"Alright," Hermione said. "I could take her."

"I can," Ron said quickly. "My brothers have been Apparating for years."

"What difference does that make?" Hermione snapped. She looked from Ron to Cameron suspiciously.

"Let me talk to House," Cameron said quickly. "I'll be back in five minutes, okay?"

"Be sure to wear a coat," Ron called after her. She looked at him. "Well, we can't Apparate directly to Hogwarts, right? We'll have to Apparate to Hogsmeade and walk. I just—you might get cold."

Cameron smiled at Ron and he blushed. Then she left the room. "I'm going to grab something from the vending machine before we go," Hermione said to Ron. "You want something?"

"Nah, those machines freak me out a little anyway," Ron said, his voice sounding distant. "And I'm not really hungry." Hermione looked at Ron strangely before leaving the room.

"You like her, don't you?" Harry said smugly from the bed.

"Who?" Ron asked.

"Your sister," Harry said sarcastically. "Who do you think? '_Be sure to wear a coat!_'" Harry imitated in a high pitched voice. Ron glared at him. "Not that I blame you. She's good looking." Harry was laughing now.

"I can mess you up a little more, if you'd like," Ron said scathingly.

"No need," Harry said, raising his hands in defeat. "Just don't slip her a love potion while you're gone or something," he said. "She's supposed to be saving my ass, not kissing yours."

They were interrupted by Hermione's return. She was munching on a Hershey's bar. She looked at them suspiciously, since they had suddenly grown quiet when she entered the room.

"How can you eat that muggle candy," Ron said quickly. "Tastes like dung to me." Harry made a big show about getting comfortable in his bed, and Hermione was forced to conclude that she would not be taking part in their conversation.

()()()

"What's up in Oz?" House asked when Cameron returned.

"They said they can take us by…appleration or something. We'll just magically reappear in England."

"Appleration? Like apples?" Chase asked. Foreman laughed.

"Well no, that wasn't exactly what they called it," Cameron said defensively. "Still, what's the harm, right? If they're lying, we'll know when we don't go anywhere."

"They could take us into the streets and mug us," House said.

"I'm pretty sure I could take Hermione," Cameron said. "Ron is bigger—maybe you could hit him with your cane?" She rolled her eyes. "We're saving their best friend, House. Why would they want to mug us?"

"Who're Ron and Hermione?" Foreman asked.

"Fine," House said. "We'll go."

"_We?_" Chase asked.

"No, _we_," House said.

"Me?" Cameron asked.

"I said 'we'," House said.

"Who's 'we'?" Foreman asked.

"Me…" House began.

"Me?" Chase asked hopefully.

"No, me," Cameron said, looking at him reproachfully.

"If anyone says 'we', or anything that rhymes with 'we', you're fired!" House shouted. "Okay…Cameron and I will go. Foreman, you're in charge."

"What?" Chase asked, outraged.

"Why are you going, you never go to patient's homes!" Cameron said with surprise.

"Like I'm gonna pass up a chance to go to a magic castle," House said in a 'duh' sort of voice.

"But why is Cameron going with you?" Chase asked. "And why is Foreman in charge?"

"Because, if I leave you and Cameron, you won't do anything. Well, anything medically relevant, that is. And if I leave Cameron and Foreman, they'll fight. And you're too stupid to help me search, anyway." Chase sat back in his chair dejectedly.

"Keep looking at that list, Chaseface!" House said happily. "And Foreman, call me if anything happens. Look up the number for 'Magic Castle' in the Yellow Pages." He hobbled towards the door and Cameron followed him. She paused in the doorway.

"We should take our coats," she said.


	4. Hogwarts

**A/N: It's never really made clear in the Harry Potter books whether muggles would be able to enter Hogwarts, but for the sake of this story we're going to pretend they can :) **

"Dumbledore put some basic spells on the hospital to prevent anyone from Apparating directly into Harry's room," Hermione explained as she and Ron lead House and Cameron to the elevators. "We have to go across the street to Apparate." The group entered the elevator and began to make their way down in silence.

"So what other sort of weird magic things can you do?" House asked.

"I dunno, spells and stuff," Ron said. "We can do lots of things."

"Flying carpets?" Cameron asked, remembering House's quip from earlier.

"Brooms, actually," Ron said. "But I think they use carpets in other places."

"Are there wizards here?"

"There are wizards and witches all over the world," Hermione said. "They just keep themselves secret, like us."

"Siiickk," House said. Cameron looked at him reproachfully. The elevator doors opened, and they slowly made their way outside. The wind was cold, despite it being almost April, and Cameron pulled her coat tighter, grateful to Ron for telling her to bring it.

"I think this is good," Hermione said finally, as they crossed the street. "We just need to go where no one will see us…behind those trees, maybe." They made their way behind a small clump of trees that were just beginning to regrow their leaves. They offered little invisibility, but there were no passerby, so the trees were sufficient.

"I think we just need to hold hands," Ron said, taking Cameron's hand quickly. Hermione narrowed her eyes at Ron before taking House's hand. The sight of House holding hands with a teenage girl was rather odd, and Cameron stifled a laugh.

"It's a bit uncomfortable at first," Ron warned. "But hold on tight. Don't let go, or you'll end up who knows where. And if you do end up in the wrong place for some reason…well, stay there. I guess we'll find a way to get you back."

"Don't be alarmed if part of your body doesn't make it all the way," Hermione said. Cameron gaped at her.

"_What?_"

"Oh, don't worry, it's rare. And one of the teachers at school will be able to fix you right away. It's quite a simple procedure," Hermione continued nonchalantly. Cameron still looked nervous. She caught House's eye.

"This'll be fun!" House said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Cameron gulped, and held Ron's hand a little tighter. Ron looked down at her and smiled.

"You'll be fine, I promise," he assured her. "You can hold both my hands if you'd like." Cameron nodded, and they faced each other. Ron held both of her hands tightly in his, warming her fingers against the chilly breeze. Cameron relaxed at his touch.

"Whenever you're ready," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. She closed her eyes and a look of concentration came over her face. Cameron turned to catch House's eye, but before she could, he suddenly, miraculously…wasn't there.

"Oh my God," Cameron breathed.

"You didn't believe us, did you?" Ron asked, slightly hurt.

"I did!" Cameron insisted. "It's just, hard to imagine until you've actually seen someone, you know, disappear into thin air."

"Well, we're next," Ron said, and he closed his eyes like Hermione had. Suddenly, the surrounding trees disappeared from view, and total darkness surrounded them. Cameron couldn't breathe—it felt like her whole body was being squished flat. She tried to scream, but no sound would escape her lips. Then, just as suddenly as they had disappeared, they reappeared in a long, empty alleyway with shops on either side of them. Cameron saw Hermione and House a little ways away.

"Holy shit," House called out. "Cameron, did you see what these shops are selling?" Cameron, who had been focusing on getting her breath back, looked up for the first time. There was a shop called Honeydukes, which seemed to sell candy, but it was obviously not ordinary candy. The window display featured a sign that said, "Blood Lollipops: Perfect for vampires!", and another that read, "Everlasting Gum: One piece is all you'll ever need!" Down the street, Cameron saw a shop called Zonko's Joke Shop. The window display for that one featured a sign advertising love potions, Dungbombs (which Cameron did not even want to contemplate), and Wet Start, No Heat Filibuster Fireworks. Cameron looked at House, who was staring at the joke shop with a sort of loving reverence.

"This way to Hogwarts," Hermione called, and Cameron and House pulled their eyes away from examining the shops. They followed Hermione down the street, and Ron took up the rear. Soon, they had entered a grassy countryside. It culminated in a large forest, but Cameron could see nothing in between.

"Um, how far is Hogwarts?" she asked.

"It's right up there, see?" Ron said, pointing. "We're close." Cameron looked ahead and squinted her eyes, but she could still see nothing.

"I definitely don't see it," House said before Cameron could say the same.

"Oh!" Hermione said. "That's right! Hogwarts is hidden from the eye of muggles. For security purposes, you know? Hogsmeade is too, but since we got you inside, it was okay. And Dumbledore assured us you would be able to get in. I think that once we get to the gate, you'll be able to see it."

Cameron looked at House, who shrugged, and they continued to walk. After about a hundred yards, Hermione stopped.

"Oh, look, here comes McGonagall. Dumbledore said he would send someone to get us." House and Cameron looked at the place where Hermione was looking. They could still see no sign of Hogwarts, nor this person called 'McGonagall', and Cameron was about to say so when suddenly, a wrought iron gate opened out of thin air. Out came a stern looking woman dressed in a long black robe. Cameron fought the urge to laugh. House didn't.

"Hah!" he said. "Nice outfit." The woman glared at him and turned to Cameron.

"Hello, I'm Professor McGonagall. Harry's transfiguration teacher. He was in my class when he became ill."

"I'm Dr. Cameron," Cameron said quickly. "And this is Dr. House. Thanks for letting us look around."

"Not a problem," the woman said with a slight smile, though it did nothing to warm her features. "Follow me, please." She led House and Cameron through the gate that seemed to lead to nowhere. But as soon as they got inside, a large castle miraculously appeared before them. Cameron gaped.

"Nice place," House said casually, with an air of irony. They walked forward on the sloping grounds until they reached the huge front door.

"You two have been excused from classes for the next few days," McGonagall said to Ron and Hermione. "One of you will have to show these doctors around, and the other can pick up some homework to take for Harry and yourselves."

"I'll show them around," Hermione said quickly. Ron looked at her dejectedly.

"Good," McGonagall said. "If you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach in a few minutes. You know where to find me." And with that, she walked off.

"You still have time in the wizarding world?" House scoffed. "What happened to the time machines?"

"We broke them last year when we tried to save the world from You-Know-Who," Ron said with a grin. House looked at him confusedly, but rather than ask Ron to explain himself, he simply gave up and turned to Hermione.

"Alright, do you have some sort of hospital in here?" he asked.

"The hospital wing," Hermione answered. "I can take you there."

"Good," House said, and Cameron noticed a glint in his eye that could only mean trouble.

"Shouldn't we check his dorm and the kitchen first?" Cameron asked. "If he's been exposed to hazardous material, those would be the places he'd be most likely to get it."

"Exactly," House said. "That's why _you're_ going to check there. Have him," he pointed to Ron, "take you."

"But—"Hermione began. Ron's face lit up.

"So this is why you brought me?" Cameron asked. "So I could do the whole thing myself?"

"It's called divide and conquer," House said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, good woman," he said to Hermione, and he began to hobble away. Hermione hurried forward, looking angry.

"What's closer, the kitchen or the dormitory?" Cameron asked Ron.

"Kitchen," Ron said. "It's right through the Great Hall."

"Okay, we'll go there first," she said, allowing Ron to lead her away.

()()()

"Hello, fellow wizards! I'm Dr. House," House said as he burst into the hospital wing. Hermione trailed awkwardly behind him.

"Excuse me, can you please keep your voice down?" a woman scolded him in a whisper. "This is a hospital wing."

"Oh, sorry," House said in a theatrical whisper. He looked around at the beds surrounding him. "My God!" he cried, eyeing one particularly unfortunate girl who had nasty green boils all over her face. "You look awful!"

The girl started to cry and the woman who had scolded him hastily closed the curtains. "What do you want?" she demanded, with a menacing glint in her eye. Hermione quietly left the room.

"Who are you?" House asked.

"I'm Madam Pomfrey, and might I ask what you're doing in my hospital wing?"

"A student here is my patient. I can't remember his name…short, black hair, ugly looking scar on his forehead?"

"Ah, yes, Harry Potter. I assume you need to know what I gave him?"

"Duh," House said. He looked around, glimpsing a cabinet that held vials full of multi-colored liquid. "What are those?" he asked with excitement.

"Never you mind," she said. "I gave him a Relief Potion to take away some of the stomach pain. He was taken to St. Mungo's shortly after. You should ask them. I'm just the school nurse."

"Relief Potion…" House said thoughtfully. "Does it work?"

"More or less," Madam Pomfrey replied, talking in an exaggeratedly low voice, perhaps hoping House would do the same.

"How long does it last?" he asked, ignoring her unspoken request.

"A few hours, I suppose."

"Hmph," House muttered. "You think wizards would have come up with something to get rid of pain entirely."

"We didn't want to cast a spell to numb his nerves!" Madam Pomfrey said defensively. "Otherwise, St. Mungo's might not have figured out what was wrong with him!"

"Spell…to numb nerves…" House was getting excited. "Could you do that spell? Hypothetically. It's medically relevant," he added, seeing the uncomfortable look on her face.

"No, it's extremely advanced magic…I suppose Professor McGonagall or maybe Professor Dumbledore himself would be able to do it…or the Healers at St. Mungo's."

"McGonagall…" The name rang a bell. "Is that the vulture-esque lady who met us at the gate?"

Madam Pomfrey looked reproachful. "If there's nothing else, Dr. House, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. These children need rest." House sighed, and obediently went out into the corridor, where Hermione was waiting.

"Where do the teachers hang out at this place?" he asked.

"Um, the teachers lounge?" Hermione looked bored and angry. House glared at her. Bored and angry was _his_ thing.

"Take me there," he demanded. Hermione sighed and turned on her heel, leading the way.


	5. Owl Post

**A/N: It has come to my attention that I might be spelling some of the magical terms wrong, since Microsoft Word says they aren't words anyway, so I can't spell check. So just bear with me :)**

"Find anything?" Ron asked, his mouth full of treacle tart. He was lounging against a kitchen counter, which was quite a feat considering it was only about two feet tall and made for house elves.

"Nope," Cameron said with a sigh, brushing her dark hair out of her face. "This place is as clean as the OR."

"Yeah, well the house elves are fanatics," Ron said. "…what's an OR?"

"Operating Room," Cameron said. She was met with a blank stare. "That's where we have to cut people open, you know?"

"Ah," Ron said, looking slightly grossed out. "Well, should I take you to the dormitory then?"

"Couldn't hurt," Cameron said. She assumed the dormitory would be just as clean, but the truth was that she was dying to see more of this interesting school. She allowed Ron to lead her away, grateful to leave the prying stares of the odd creatures called house elves. "So do you and Harry stay in the same dorm?" she asked, trying to make conversation.

"Yeah," Ron said, "with three other guys in our year. Gryffindor sixth year boys."

"What's Gryffindor?"

"Oh. Well, Hogwarts has four houses, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw. And at the beginning of your first year, the Sorting Hat sorts you into a house, based on your personality and stuff."

"What personality are Gryffindors?" Cameron asked interestedly.

"Brave," Ron said with a slight blush. "Not that I am—I mean, I'm not sure why it picked me."

"And remember all of that, because we're going to quiz you on it later," came a voice from behind them. Cameron whirled around to see two identical boys following them. They were red haired and freckly, and clearly related to Ron.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Ron asked, annoyed.

"Wouldn't pass up a chance to see muggles in Hogwarts," one of the boys said.

"Not that we're supposed to know…extendible ears can be handy, though," the other continued.

"She's not a window display," Ron snapped.

"Relax," the first boy replied. "I'm Fred." He held out a hand and Cameron took it. "This is my brother George."

"Pleasure," the other twin said, shaking her hand as well.

"I'm Dr. Cameron," she replied, feeling slightly awkward as they looked at her interestedly.

"So, how's our Harry, then?" Fred asked. "Taking care of him, right?"

"He's…okay," Cameron replied, praying that it was the truth.

"We're going to check out his dormitory for…what was it?"

"Toxins," Cameron said.

"Right," Ron continued. "So anyway…leave."

"Touchy," George said with a mocking smile. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Cameron."

"You too," Cameron said, and the twins went back the way they'd come. "Those are your brothers, right?" she said to Ron.

"How could you tell?" Ron said sarcastically. "Yeah, they basically like to cause trouble whenever humanly possible…here, we're at the common room." He paused in front of a large portrait.

"Um…" Cameron looked at the large pink woman doubtfully. But Ron stood facing her and said,

"_Venomous Tentacula!_" Suddenly, the portrait swung forward as if on hinges, revealing a small doorway. "After you," Ron said, ushering her inside. Cameron climbed through. She was in a room with lots of chairs and tables, and a fireplace. One boy was writing feverishly in the corner, and barely looked up when Cameron came in. Across the floor were various books and papers. Ron came in after her. "This way," he said, leading her to one side of the room where there was a large, marble staircase. Cameron followed him as the staircase wound its way up, passing by doors at even intervals. All of these doors were closed, and labeled with a number on the front. Finally, the reached the top. The door read '6th Years'.

"This place must be huge," Cameron said in awe. "I mean, how many floors did we walk up just then?"

"Quite a few," Ron said with a laugh. "Pain in the ass, really…" He opened the door and led Cameron inside a large room with five beds, each with red curtains surrounding them that were thrown haphazardly to the side. Clothes and books littered the floor, along with various boxes of sweets and something that looked suspiciously like a cauldron. A small bathroom was on the other side, its door swung open to reveal a congealed mess of toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and shampoo. Cameron was reminded immediately of her brother.

"That's Harry's bed," Ron said, indicating the second bed from the door. He strode over the one next to Harry's and starting kicking clothes under it. He saw Cameron eyeing him. "Sorry. It's a bit of a mess in here."

"It's fine," Cameron said with a smile, heading over to Harry's bed. She pulled on her gloves and began to look for traces of mold or lead paint around his sleeping area. She bent down to the floor, looking under the beds. Ron flopped down on his own bed, watching her.

"You never know what you'll find under a sixteen year old boy's bed," he warned. Cameron laughed.

"Don't worry. There's nothing here that could get him sick." She stood up, and then sat down on the edge of Harry's bed. "So…this is where you live?"

"Yep," said Ron. Cameron looked over at the posters that covered the wall above Ron's bed. They all featured men clad in orange robes, zooming around on broomsticks. And yes, they were actually zooming—the picture was moving. Cameron barely registered it. Nothing could shock her at this point.

"What are they doing?" she asked, pointing to the posters.

"Playing Quidditch," Ron said. "It's a game played on brooms…sort of complicated, I guess. Those are the Chudley Cannons—my favorite Quidditch team."

Cameron looked around the room. Really, she thought, they're like normal teenage boys. Well, except for the fact that they play sports on brooms and do magic spells…

"I should call House," she said, pulling out her cell phone. "Let him know I'm done."

"Whoa," Ron said, eyeing the phone. "What's that?"

"Cell phone," Cameron said. She suddenly remembered that Ron knew as little about her life as she knew about his. "You call people on it."

"Oh yeah, I used one of those once," Ron said. "It was a bit bigger though, and attached to a cord…but I'll warn you, muggle stuff doesn't tend to work so well around here." Cameron dialed House's number and held the phone to her ear. Sure enough, all she could hear was a lot of static. She closed her phone and sighed.

"I guess we should go find him, then."

"We could send him an owl," Ron reasoned. "Since he could be anywhere, really."

"Owl?"

"You know. Bird, wings, goes like this," he flapped his arms theatrically in the air. Cameron giggled. "Don't muggles have owls?"

"Well, yeah, but we don't send them to people."

"The owls carry letters," Ron explained. "Here, we can use Hedwig. She's Harry's owl, she can find anyone. Really smart bird. She's in the owlry, I'll take you." Ron got up from his bed and Cameron followed, wondering what else she was going to find in this odd place.

()()()

It was break time, and the teachers had all made their way over to the teachers lounge for their morning coffee. They were sitting around the table, chatting about their classes. Snape sat in the corner, drinking his quickly. If there was one thing he hated, it was mindless chatter. He drained his cup and stood, heading over to the door and opening it with a flourish. To his surprise, there was a man with a cane outside, lounging against the gargoyles.

"It's about time!" House muttered, pushing past Snape and going into the room. Snape followed him and closed the door, looking at House with confusion. "I need to talk to Professor Dumblydoor, or something like that!" he said loudly.

"And who are you?" Snape drawled.

"Let's see…maybe I'm the doctor who's about to save your student's life? But that's just a guess."

"You're Harry's doctor?" One woman stood up quickly, worry etched on her face. "How is he?"

"Perfect!" House said. "He'll be back to saving the world from…" he fished through his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, "…Lord Voldemort in no time."

The woman who had stood up gasped and fell back into her chair. A short man down the table spilled coffee all over himself. Everyone else turned pale. House eyed them suspiciously.

"You're all acting like you've committed a murder or something!" House exclaimed. "What's going on?"

"We don't use his name," Snape explained from the door.

"Oh, my bad," House said. "Well anyway—Voldemort!—I need to see—Voldemort!—Professor Dumbledore. Voldemort!" His words were punctuated with gasps and winces. "You guys are too easy!" House laughed. McGonagall looked stern.

"Professor Snape will take you," she said.

"Who's Professor Snake?"

"_I_," came a voice from the door, "am Professor _Snape_." House turned around.

"Ah," he said. "Fine. Lead the way, good woman!" Snape simply glared. "Oh, sorry…it worked on the other girl."

"Follow me," Professor Snape said curtly, and he opened the door. Again, he was greeted with an unwanted visitor. Harry's snowy owl, Hedwig, came flying into the room, landing on Snape's head and holding out its leg to House.

"Get this damn thing off!" Snape shrieked.

"Relax, Snake, it's just an overlarge bird," House said, trying to conceal his laughter. "I guess you should have locked those huge doors more tightly."

"It's supposed to be here. It's an owl," McGonagall said from behind him, sounding impatient.

"Do you shoot them down with your wands? Because that would be _really_ cool."

"No, they carry letters, you stupid idiot," Snape said. "Now take the letter off and get the bird off my head!" A stout woman quickly rushed forward and took the owl off his head, checking the letter.

"It says 'House'," she informed the room.

"That's probably me," House said sarcastically. "But who knows? Maybe it's going to someone's 'house'. We should let it fly around for a while."

"Just take it!" Snape said. He was livid. House laughed and took the letter. He ripped it out of its envelope, and immediately recognized Cameron's girly handwriting from when she filled out the forms for his patients.

_House—_

_Found nothing. Meet me in the Great Hall. It's off to the side of where we came in._

_-Cameron_

"Well, that wouldn't be good, would it?" House said to no one in particular. He scribbled a reply on the back of the paper and rolled it up, tying it back to the owl's leg. Then he turned back to Snape. "Let's go."


	6. House Vs Snape

**A/N: I don't think I can apologize profusely enough for not updating in nearly two months. Let's just say extreme writer's block plus working was not a good combination. Anyway, I don't plan to let this get away from me again!**

**It recently came to my attention that Fred and George aren't supposed to be at Hogwarts during Harry's sixth year. I don't know if anyone noticed, but if you did, my apologies. Anyway, hope you enjoy :) **

Ron and Cameron had just made it down to the Great Hall and took a seat at one of the four large tables when Hedwig came swooping back into the room. She flew low over Cameron and dropped a scroll on the table in front of her. Cameron opened it quickly.

_Cam-_

_Something came up. I'll have to meet you later._

"Is he serious?" Cameron demanded after reading it. "How much do you wanna bet he's up to no good?" She sighed. "Will my phone work outside? I should call Foreman."

"It'll work outside the gate," Ron said with a shrug. Cameron sighed, resigned.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna be here for a while longer, anyway. I might as well go outside."

"We could go to Hogsmeade," Ron suggested. "It's kind of a cool place. And you could call from there."

Cameron thought about it for a moment. She was dying to check out the shops she'd seen on the way in. "But Harry…" she began.

"Is being taken care of," Ron said with a smile. "Let's go."

"Alright," Cameron said with a laugh. Ron took her hand and led her out the door.

()()()

"Does it ever get annoying wearing those dresses?" House called to Snape. He was limping along several yards behind the other man, who had refused to slow down. Snape didn't answer. House tried again. "So, what do you teach at this weird place?"

"Potions," Snape said curtly.

"Boring," House yawned. "You might as well be making soup."

"Listen," Snape hissed, whirling around so abruptly that House nearly bumped into him. "I could make a potion that could force you to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. I could disfigure you beyond all recognition. I could make a potion that could kill you."

"I could hit you with my cane in your special place," House retorted. "Stop wasting time. I have to save a life."

The muscles in Snape's face twitched dangerously. Finally, he composed his features into what resembled a menacing smile before turning and leading House to another pair of stone gargoyles ("Hey look, it's you!" House said). Muttering, "_Skittles_," the gargoyles stepped aside, and Snape lead House up a long winding staircase, smirking the entire way as House huffed and puffed and swore about being a cripple. Finally, they reached a large set of oak doors, and Snape motioned towards them. Without knocking, House pushed his way inside.

"Dr. House," Dumbledore said quietly as soon as House was inside.

"How did you know that?" House asked with his eyes narrowed.

"As headmaster, I feel it is my duty to know the goings-on of Hogwarts," Dumbledore replied with a twinkle in his eye.

"Do you know where you keep the razors and shaving cream?" House muttered to himself.

"Forgive me," Dumbledore began, "but is there something in particular I may help you with?"

"Yeah," House cleared his throat. "See, I have this leg problem…" he indicated the cane, "and I was wondering if you could, you know, work your magic and fix it up for me."

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore shook his head gravely.

"Why not?" House asked angrily. "The fat woman in the ER told me you'd be able to."

"_Madam Pomfrey_ was correct in that we are certainly able to perform such a spell. But we cannot. It is against the Wizarding Law. You see, if we were to help one non-magical person, they would all come to us for solutions to their problems. That is why we remain a secret. Our worlds are too different. They must not mix."

"Okay. How about just for _me_ then?" House asked, rolling his eyes.

"Dr. House," Dumbledore said with a laugh, "you have not proven yourself worthy of an exception by any means. Go back to your hospital," he said loudly over House's protestations, "and save our Harry. We will be forever grateful to you if you do."

House glared at Dumbledore. "Fine," he grunted. "But don't expect great treatment if you come to visit. And Cuddy might jump you if you wear that outfit." Taking advantage of Dumbledore's momentary confusion, House turned and exited dramatically.

()()()

They were halfway to Hogsmeade before Cameron realized she was still holding Ron's hand. She pulled it away quickly and dug into her pocket for her phone. Upon finding it, she flipped it open and dialed the phone number for the diagnostics room.

"Hello?" Foreman answered. Cameron could hear paper's rustling in the background and guessed she was on speaker.

"Is Chase there?" she asked.

"Yes," came Chase's tired response.

"It's not lead poisoning. School's clean," Cameron informed them. "Almost as if it were cleaned by _magic_."

Foreman sighed. "Great," he muttered.

"How's Harry?"

"He's stable. Chase is checking the disease database. We're still not sure what's going on. And the stomach pain hasn't gone away. Are you coming back?"

"Well, that's the thing," Cameron sighed. "House is up to something."

"What do you mean, _up_ to something?" Chase asked.

"I'm not sure."

"Well, can't _you_ come back, then?"

"We don't need her," Foreman argued. "She should stay. I have a feeling leaving House alone in England is not a good idea."

"Alright," Chase said. There was a sound as though someone was moving the speaker, and a moment later, Chase's voice came through, clearer than it had been. He must have taken her off speaker phone. "How are you?" he asked.

"Fine…" Cameron began.

"I don't like you being all the way in England."

"Well, since we can travel instantaneously, it's not like I'm really that far away," she reasoned.

"I know." There was a pause. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," Cameron said. Ron turned to look at her curiously.

"When you get back, maybe we can go for drinks?" Chase asked.

Cameron sighed. "Let's get Harry better, okay?"

"Alright," Chase said, disappointment evident in his voice. "See you in a bit."

"Bye." Cameron hung up. There was an awkward silence as she and Ron continued their walk.

"So, where are we going?" Cameron asked finally.

"I was thinking this place called The Three Broomsticks. It has this really good drink that you have to try."

"Okay," Cameron said. They reached Hogsmeade and Ron lead the way up the street. There were a few more people there than there had been earlier. Cameron saw a man outside one shop, watching a broom as it swept by itself. A few men and woman in black robes were hurrying around, not stopping to talk to anyone.

"It's not always like this," Ron said, observing the scene. "Just last June, everyone found out that You-Know-Who had come back to power. People are too scared, I guess. Diagon Alley was almost empty."

Cameron could feel the fear and unease radiating from everyone they passed. It seemed crazy that everyone would be so scared of someone that most of the world had never heard of. "Can't you protect yourselves with magic?" she asked.

"He knows magic too, though," Ron said. "So it's still a fair fight." Cameron tried to imagine some sort of magical battle between a bunch of wizards. It was oddly comical.

"Right in here," Ron said, leading her to the side of the road and opening the door for her. Cameron went inside. There were about three of four groups of wizards sitting at tables, drinking happily. You never would have guessed that it wasn't a busy day. "People always come here," Ron explained. "Even during bad times. Their butterbeer is to die for. This place is packed, usually." He led Cameron to a small table in the corner and they sat down. A cheerful woman came over to take their orders.

"Two butterbeers, please," Ron said, placing some odd coins on the table. Cameron looked at them curiously before they disappeared into the woman's hand.

"Do you have your own money, too?" Cameron asked.

"Yup. Knuts, Sickles, and Galleons."

"Weird," Cameron said with a laugh. Silence fell over them again, and the woman returned with two bottles. Cameron drank from hers with slight apprehension. "Wow," she said when she'd swallowed. "This stuff is amazing!"

"Isn't it?" Ron replied. "It's really too bad muggles don't have this kind of stuff."

"Yeah…" Cameron said. She took several more gulps. Ron drank a little more, then cleared his throat.

"Er, well…do you have a boyfriend or something?"

Cameron blushed. "No," she said. "Not really. Why?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"Well, because on the phone…"

"Oh, that's just my friend," Cameron said with a laugh. _Sort of_, she thought.

"Okay," Ron seemed to brighten up a little. "So," he said with a smile, "tell me about yourself."

"Well…" Cameron began, searching for the right words. "I don't really know where to start." But there was no need. At that moment, her phone rang shrilly. Several wizards looked around in alarm. "Hello?" Cameron answered.

"You and House need to get back here," Foreman said immediately, his voice strained.

"What's wrong?" Cameron asked in alarm.

"He's having hallucinations."


	7. Hallucinations

Harry woke from a fitful sleep to the sound of the door to his room sliding open. He cracked his eyes open to look at his new arrival. "Harry, dear," came a sympathetic voice from the doorway.

"Mrs. Weasley!" Harry said in surprise, sitting up quickly. Seeing that he was awake, the plump woman rushed to Harry's bedside and leaned down to give him an awkward hug.

"Thank goodness you're okay," she said. "I was worried sick about you."

"I'm feeling loads better," Harry grinned. "Really."

"That's just grand, dear," Mrs. Weasley replied with an anxious smile. "Arthur really wanted to be here, but they're keeping him way overtime at the Ministry, what with all this concern over You-Know-Who."

"Don't worry about it," Harry assured her. "I'm glad you could come."

Mrs. Weasley opened her mouth to reply, but they were interrupted by a noise at the door. "Hey Harry," Chase said, entering the room. "How's your stomach doing?"

"It only hurts a little," he said.

"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the pain?"

Harry thought a moment. "Maybe a three?" he said tentatively. Chase scribbled something on Harry's charts. "Is that good?"

"It's…good," Chase said. "We can't be sure that it won't come back. But this should help us figure out what is—or was—wrong with you."

"Oh, that's fantastic!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, relieved.

"Yeah," Harry sighed. "Oh, er, Mrs. Weasley, this is Dr. Chase."

Chase looked up. "What?"

"This is Mrs. Weasley," he said, motioning towards her. "Ron's mom."

Chase looked in the direction that Harry was pointing. "Harry…" he began slowly. "There's…no one there."

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

"There's no one in the room besides us." Chase looked extremely concerned.

Harry's breath began to quicken. "What do you mean?" He looked over at Mrs. Weasley, who looked worried. "What do you mean?" he repeated. "I see her. She's right there."

"I'll be right back," Chase assured him, rushing out of the room. He ran down the hall and yanked open the door to the diagnostics room. "Foreman!" he called. Foreman looked up from the paperwork he'd been finishing for House. "Foreman. Call Cameron. He's hallucinating."

()()()

"Nothing causes these symptoms," Chase groaned with his head in his hands.

"_Something_ does," House snapped. "Otherwise he wouldn't be having them."

"Dehydration?" Cameron shrugged. "Could be causing the vomiting, or due to it."

"He didn't throw up enough to become dehydrated enough to have hallucinations. What else?"

"Stress," Chase said simply.

"In the less optimistic department, a brain tumor," Foreman suggested.

"Check for both," House informed them. "Ask him about stress, MRI his head." Foreman, Chase, and Cameron stood. "And Cameron," House added. "Try not to go on anymore dates with teenagers while they're here." Cameron blushed and hurried out of the room. Chase followed.

"What was that about?" he asked, in a would-be-casual voice.

"I don't know what he's talking about," Cameron said unconvincingly. They reached Harry's room and Cameron went inside before Chase could continue the conversation. Foreman continued down the hallway to set up the MRI, rolling his eyes.

"Hi," Cameron said. "How are you feeling?"

Harry just shrugged. He looked pale and worried. Hermione and Ron looked about the same. They were both sitting at the foot of Harry's bed, watching him anxiously.

"We're going to have to ask you some questions," Chase said when no one replied. "Just to see if we can get a little history that might help us diagnose you."

"Whatever you need to know," Harry replied.

"We should probably talk to all of you," Cameron began, looking at Chase. Chase nodded.

"Ron, Hermione, you two can come with me," Chase said, beckoning to them to follow him out of the door. Cameron took a seat in the chair next to Harry's bed.

"So, about how much homework do you have a night?" she asked once Chase, Ron, and Hermione had left.

"About three, four hours," Harry shrugged. "It depends."

"That's a lot," Cameron noted.

"I got used to it. It's been that way since about second year."

"Has there been any dramatic increase recently?"

Harry thought a moment. "Nope," he said. Cameron jotted down some notes.

"How about extra-curricular activities?"

"I play Quidditch," Harry said.

"And how often is practice?"

"Twice a week, whenever the captain can manage it."

"Okay," Cameron scanned the list of questions she was supposed to ask Harry. "Do you feel stressed out a lot?"

"Not really," Harry said. "I mean, sometimes, yeah, but not usually. Hermione's the stressed one, not me."

"How've you been eating lately?"

"Normally," Harry sighed. "Listen, I think I would know if I had problems with stress or something."

"Alright," Cameron said. "I believe you. That's almost the end of the questions anyway."

"Okay," Harry sighed. "Will the hallucinations come back?"

Cameron looked at Harry sadly. "We can't know until we find out what's wrong with you. Which should hopefully be very, very soon," she promised.

There was a noise as the door slid open, and Foreman poked his head inside. "You ready?" he asked, directing his question at Cameron.

"We're done," Cameron nodded.

"Great," Foreman said. "Harry, we're going to do something called an MRI. It'll take a picture of your head, and let us know if anything is wrong."

Harry nodded, looking slightly nervous. "Should I get up?"

"That'd be great," Foreman smiled. "It's just down the hall." Harry began to climb out of the bed.

"I'll get Chase," Cameron said. She turned and left the room, making her way down the hall and towards the waiting room, where Chase was talking to Ron and Hermione. Meeting his eye, she shook her head slightly.

"Alright," she heard Chase say to Ron and Hermione. "You guys can go back to Harry's room." Cameron made her way over to Chase.

"I'll be there in a minute," Hermione told Ron. Ron shrugged and headed back to the room.

"It doesn't seem like stress is a factor," Cameron told Chase wearily.

"Yeah, that's kind of what I got too," Chase said.

"Foreman's taking him for the MRI."

"Good," Chase paused. "What did House mean about you going on a date?"

"God, Chase," Cameron groaned. "I went to grab a drink with Ron because House was messing around. It was nothing." Hermione, who had been unnecessarily unpacking her bookbag, looked up suspiciously.

"That's…funny," Chase said finally.

"Yes, it is," Cameron rolled her eyes. "I'm laughing."

"No, I mean…" Chase pretended to think carefully. "Oh, that's right. When I asked you if you'd like to get drinks, you said we should get Harry better first. But then you went to have drinks with the kid. I get it."

Cameron glared at Chase. "Sorry, you weren't there," she snapped. With that, she turned abruptly and marched back down the hall towards House's office. Chase watched her go with a pang of regret, but also with a great deal of annoyance. He turned around bitterly, only to see that Hermione was standing right behind him.

"Sounds like you have a bit of a problem."

"I'm fine," Chase said rather harshly.

"You don't need to give me that," Hermione said. She drew closer to him and lowered her voice. "I get it. I like Ron."

"You—what?"

"Him going to drinks with Cameron bugs me as much as it bugs you. So I sympathize."

"Well, thanks," Chase said, not looking thankful at all. He turned to go back to the diagnostics room.

"Wait," Hermione said. She placed a hand on his arm. "Maybe we can help each other."

Chase turned around with a sigh. "Look," he said. "It's not like that. Cameron and I are…kind of in a relationship."

"Oh, I can see that," Hermione said with a disbelieving chuckle. Chase narrowed his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, it sounds like she's really into you, the way she agreed to get drinks with you and everything."

"Look," Chase gave Hermione a challenging glare. "You think what you want. I don't need to play childish games to get her to be my girlfriend."

"If you say so." Hermione smiled coyly. "Well, I'll see you later, Dr. Chase." She turned around and started to walk away. Chase stared after her, thinking about what she'd just said.

"Alright, what do you want me to do?" he called after her finally. Hermione turned around with a smile.

"You keep her away from him, I'll keep him away from her," she said. "Easy enough."

"Okay," Chase said. "I'll do it."


	8. Biopsy Time!

**A/N: Sorry for the late update! I'm at the beach, and the internet access here just sort of comes when it feels like it.**

"I finished the MRI," Forman said, walking into the diagnostics office, "and look. There's a mass." He put the scans down on the table. Cameron and Chase leaned in for a closer look.

"It's small," Cameron concluded gravely. "But it could definitely be dangerous."

"This," House said from the corner of the room, "is why science conquers fantasy. I'd like to see a wizard diagnose _that_."

"We have to do a biopsy to confirm," Foreman said.

"Drilling into his head," Chase began thoughtfully. "I'm pretty sure you'll need Cuddy's approval for that one."

"I'm on it," House said, already heading out the door. "Get consent, will you? Although, I can't imagine that they would sue."

"I can get it," Cameron said, standing up.

"Why don't you let me?" Chase said, standing up too. "You've had a long day, going to England and all."

"It's really not a problem," Cameron assured him.

"No, you should eat lunch," Chase insisted. "I can take it from here."

"Alright," Cameron nodded. "Thanks." She gave Chase a fleeting smile. Pleased with himself, Chase headed for the door.

"It's not gonna work," Foreman hummed quietly.

()()()

"The wizard of Oz needs a biopsy," House said, throwing the MRI scans down on Cuddy's desk dramatically. Cuddy looked up from the letter she had been reading.

"Why the hell did you go to England?"

"I…wanted some tea," House improvised quickly.

"You cannot just leave the country in the middle of a Wednesday morning!" Cuddy replied in horror.

"What's the big deal? I was gone for an hour."

"The 'big deal' is that the Ministry of Magic is furious! They've sent two more guards for outside of the hospital and they're keeping a close eye on all of us from now on."

"Looks like someone has a wand up their ass." House chuckled at his own joke. "Well, how about you explain to them that the boy they're trying to protect died of brain cancer because you were too busy bitching about them?"

"He has a brain tumor?" Cuddy gasped, taking the MRI scan off of her desk. "Oh,God."

"I need a biopsy," House said, taking advantage of Cuddy's distraction to slip a few drops of liquid into her coffee.

"Alright," Cuddy sighed. "Do it."

()()()

"What did the test show?" Harry asked as soon as Chase entered the room. Hermione and Ron looked on hopefully.

"Well" Chase began. He neared Harry's bed and sat down on the closest chair. "The MRI showed a mass in your brain."

"A mass…?" Harry asked. "What kind of mass?"

"We're not sure. We have to undergo a process called a biopsy. Basically, we have to open your head and take a piece of the mass."

Ron and Hermione looked horrified. Harry gulped. "And when you do that, then what might you find?"

"The brain tumor could be totally benign," Chase said quickly. "Or…it could be cancerous. Then we'd have to discuss your options for surgery to remove it."

"But you _could_ remove it, then, right?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Based on the size and location, yes, I think we can remove it."

"Blimey," Ron breathed. He looked up at Chase. "And if it's not a bad tumor, what happens? Does he just go on with it in his head?"

Chase paused. "Brain tumors are a little more difficult than tumors in other places. If we think the tumor will impede any of your brain function, we may have to operate anyway."

Harry sighed resignedly. "So what first?"

"Your ministry wants us to treat you as a legal adult. So we need your consent for the biopsy." Chase passed Harry a clipboard of forms and a pen. Harry began to sign shakily. "Dr. Foreman and I will set up the biopsy immediately," Chase continued. "So you won't have long to wait."

"What about Dr. Cameron?" Ron blurted out.

"Dr. Cameron is getting an ultrasound on her uterus," Chase said. Then he widened his eyes in shock. He hadn't meant to say that. Hermione broke out into a fit coughs that were clearly badly disguised laughter.

"You mean she's pregnant?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Five weeks," Chase nodded with a smile.

"Oh, how lovely!" Hermione squeaked. She coughed several more times.

"Do you need some water?" Harry look at her concernedly.

Hermione waved him away. "I'm fine," she gasped as she caught her breath.

Ron just gaped at Chase. "Who's the father?" he managed finally.

"Oh," Chase lowered his voice dramatically. "We're not sure. The DNA test is pending. I'm sorry to say that I'm one of the possibilities."

"You are?" Ron turned a little green.

"Yeah, are you?" Chase asked, returning to normal volume. "Because if you are, it'd be great if we could test you."

"I haven't known her for five weeks," Ron said, shaking his head incredulously. "Wow, that's really…wow."

"Oh, that's right," Chase said, pretending to remember. "It's hard to keep track with her, you see. It's always the same drill with the patients' friends: go to drinks, go to dinner, go to bed. Usually takes about two days to get from step one to step three. Actually, I'm impressed, given her age. I know she doesn't look it but she's almost forty."

Ron had been struck dumb. Hermione's face was beet red and she looked as though she would soon explode from pent up laughter. Harry just looked dazed. Chase slid the clipboard from out of Harry's hands.

"Well, I should be going, then," he said, a huge smile on his face. "Call me if you need anything." He turned and went out in the hall.

Hermione waited until he had gone out of sight before muttering, "Bathroom," and hurrying after him. Chase was walking slowly down the hall; he seemed to be waiting for her.

"That was brilliant!" she exclaimed, walking briskly towards him.

"It all just sort of came out," Chase said in awe. "I didn't even plan that."

"He totally bought it," Hermione grinned. "Thank you so much."

"Hey, it helped me out too," Chase said with a shrug. "Thanks for forcing me into this."

"Don't mention it," Hermione said with a smile. "Well…I should get back to Harry now."

"Alright," Chase said. "See you in a bit."

()()()

House entered Wilson's office and dropped onto the couch. "House," Wilson said sternly. "Not now. I'm really busy."

"I need a consult," House said.

Wilson sighed. "What?"

"The patient has a mass in his brain."

"Did you biopsy?" Wilson asked.

"About to."

"Then you don't need a consult yet," Wilson sighed. "Is this some new game? Waste my time?"

"No, no," House said, shaking his head. "We play _that_ game on Tuesdays. I have something better." House reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin cardboard box. He tossed it on to Wilson's desk.

"Filibuster Fireworks," Wilson read. "Getting ready for the fourth of July?"

"These aren't just any fireworks," House said mischievously. "These are _magic_ fireworks." Wilson looked at him blankly. "Don't tell me I have to go through the spiel about the wizards, the magic castle, and the funny looking people all over again."

"Cuddy told me about your patient," Wilson said. "I guess she figured you would if she didn't or something. But I just didn't believe it."

"Oho, believe it!" House said with a laugh. "It's pretty screwed up. But anyway, I bumped into these twins—literally—on my way out of the school. They were wearing these hats that made their heads invisible." Wilson raised his eyebrows. "It's true," House scowled, "I have one in my office. Anyway, don't interrupt. I asked these kids how much they wanted for it. They ended up selling me tons of weird stuff for only twenty-five bucks! Turns out they just like to look at our money."

"Wait, House—are you serious? You bought magical pranks?"

"Sure did," House beamed.

"Wow. What are they?"

"Like I'm going to _tell_ you," House scoffed. "You'll find out, sooner or later."

"Oh, damn," Wilson muttered. "This is going to be hell."

"Don't worry," House assured him. "You're pretty low down on the list of people I want to use them on. But I need your help with this one." He indicated the fireworks.

"Oh. _Oh_. No way, House."

"Come on," House whined. "It'll be so much fun. Those kids'll be mad if I don't use them."

"I'm not saying don't, I'm saying I don't want any part in it."

"I need help setting them off," House said. Wilson bit his lip thoughtfully. "It'll be fuuuuun," House coaxed.

"Fine," Wilson said finally. "But only if you _promise_ you won't use any of your other pranks on me."

"I promise," House grinned victoriously. "Oh, this is going to be so good…"


	9. Love Potions and Canaries

After eating lunch, Cameron made her way across the lobby to Cuddy's office. "Hi Dr. Cuddy," she said when she'd opened the door.

"Cameron," Cuddy said, looking up at her. "What can I help you with?"

"Well I just wanted to apologize for going to England earlier today." Cameron paused, struck by how odd that sentence had sounded. "I heard you weren't happy about that."

"It's okay," Cuddy said understandingly. "Honestly, I would have given you the go-ahead if you had asked. The Minister of Magic was _pissed_, though."

"Yeah…" Cameron trailed off. She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "God, I feel terrible."

"Seriously, don't worry about it."

"Not about that…I mean, about Harry having a brain tumor."

"He'll be okay," Cuddy assured her. "He's a strong boy."

"I know he is," Cameron nodded quickly. "But cancer in the brain is a tricky thing. It's what…it's what my husband died of. The cancer metastasized to his brain and—and there was nothing we could do."

Cuddy watched Cameron sympathetically. "We're going to do everything we can to save Harry," she said softly.

"I just wish I hadn't gotten to know him, and his friends," Cameron said, and her eyes began to water. "It makes this all so much harder."

"Look," Cuddy said as Cameron blinked back tears. "It's been a long day, and you're tired. Why don't you go home for a little bit?"

Cameron shook her head vigorously. "I can't just leave him."

"Well, take my coffee, anyway," Cuddy said, thrusting the paper cup at her. Cameron looked hesitant. "Go on, take it. I haven't had a sip of it anyway. They gave me the wrong kind." She smiled encouragingly.

"Alright," Cameron conceded. She took the cup from Cuddy's hands. "Well…I should get back to House's office."

"Okay," Cuddy said. "Drink it, though."

"I will," Cameron promised, taking a sip to emphasize her point. The hot liquid went down her throat and she blinked several times, confused. She eyed the cup in her hands warily.

"How is it?" Cuddy asked tentatively, noting Cameron's confusion with concern.

"It's…" Cameron looked up at Cuddy wistfully. "So _hot_."

Cuddy raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. "Maybe you should let it cool down a bit."

"Okay," Cameron nodded eagerly. There was an awkward silence.

"Um…maybe you should go to House's office. Remember?"

"Right!" Cameron exclaimed. She hurried towards the door. Cuddy watched her charge towards the elevators, nearly mowing down an alarmed nurse in the process.

"Must be the caffeine," Cuddy muttered to herself.

()()()

Cameron reentered the diagnostics office to find House sitting at his desk, watching T.V. She went into his room and sat down on his chair, humming slightly. House looked up at her in annoyance. "Shush," he scolded. "_General Hospital_ is on."

"Sorry," Cameron said sincerely. Her gaze wandered to the outside, where she watched birds flutter across the sky. Without realizing it, she started humming again.

"Seriously, can you shut up?" House snapped.

The door to his office opened and Foreman and Chase trooped in. "We finished the biopsy," Chase said. "We sent the results to the lab with a top priority notice."

"Good," House said.

"Even if it's benign, the tumor could be causing increased intracranial pressure, which could be responsible for his abdominal pain and vomiting," Foreman said.

"He would have headaches," House reminded him.

"Cameron said he gets migraines anyway," Foreman replied. "He wouldn't know the difference."

"Could it cause hallucinations?" Chase asked.

"Sure. It's a little more uncommon, but sure it could."

"Could it cause one of my employees to not pay attention?" House smacked the desk with his cane.

"Hm?" Cameron looked up at the noise.

"While you were _daydreaming_, we just diagnosed the patient," House snapped.

"Sorry," Cameron said, shaking her head vigorously. "I'm just really tired." She lifted the coffee cup to her lips and took a long sip. House looked at her in alarm.

"Coffee with lunch?" he asked in a would-be-casual voice. "That's unusual for you."

"I got it from Lisa," Cameron said. She took another long gulp. "The coffee today is better than usual." House looked very pale. Chase and Foreman looked from Cameron to House suspiciously.

"Everyone is on break until the biopsy results come back," House addressed his team. He grabbed his cane and pulled himself out of his chair, limping down the hall as fast as his good leg would carry him. Reaching Wilson's office, he threw open the door with a bang.

"What the hell is going on?" Wilson demanded. The woman he was meeting with looked up in shock.

"Sorry, emergency," House said loudly. "Wilson, get out here now."

"House…" Wilson began warningly. House gave him a threatening look. "Excuse me," Wilson addressed his patient, "I'll be back in a few minutes." He got out of his chair and followed House into the hall. "What's going on?"

"I slipped Cuddy a love potion," House said quietly.

"A what?"

"A love potion—nevermind—the point is, I think Cameron took it."

"Okay, back up," Wilson held up his hands. "What's a love potion?"

"I bought it from those wizard kids!" House said impatiently. "You drink it and then you fall in love with the first person you see. I slipped some in Cuddy's coffee."

"And you think Cameron drank it? Why?"

"Because she had a coffee that she said she got from Cuddy."

"Well, what if Cuddy drank some first?" Wilson reasoned. "Either way, I don't see what the big deal is." House sighed. "Unless…" Wilson continued slowly. "You wanted Cuddy to fall in love with _you_?"

"Of course I didn't!" House scowled. "Otherwise I would _there_ and not _here_. I just want to know who Cameron or Cuddy fell in love with. How soon can you get out of this?" He jerked his head back towards Wilson's office.

"Give me five minutes," Wilson said hurrying back into his office.

()()()

"How long do you think it'll take to get the biopsy results back?" Chase asked Foreman. The two men were hanging their lab coats in the diagnostics office.

"Cuddy's pulling some strings," Foreman said. "The Ministry of Magic is breathing down her neck. It won't take long."

Chase sighed. "Damn. I was hoping I would be able to go home."

"Want to come with me? I was thinking about getting drinks at that place down the street," Foreman suggested.

"Good idea," Chase said. "Let me get my coat." He went to the other side of the coat rack to unhook his brown winter coat and noticed a small white box sitting on the floor underneath it. "Foreman," Chase said, bending to pick it up. "Is this yours?"

"Huh?" Foreman asked. He glanced over at the box. "Nope." Chase looked it over curiously. It was tied with green ribbon and there was a note. He flipped it open.

_Robert—_

_I picked these up in England. They made me think of you._

_Love Allison_

Chase read the note over several times, hardly daring to believe it. A grin crept across his face. "What?" Foreman asked. He moved over to Chase and read the note. "Damn," he laughed, "I thought that was never going to happen. No offense."

"I can't believe it," Chase said excitedly. "I thought she was mad at me!"

"Open it," Foreman commanded. Chase obliged, and the box was opened to reveal several small tarts with a yellow custard filling. "Yum," Foreman said. "Feel like sharing?"

"Sure," Chase said. "Take one. I just wanna find Cameron." Taking the box with him, he headed out the door.

"Just eat one on the way," Foreman coaxed. He pulled Chase to a stop and grabbed two of the custards, thrusting one in Chase's hand. "Come on, they look really good."

"Fine," Chase sighed. He took the custard that Foreman was offering him. They rounded the corner to see the door to Wilson's office open. Wilson came out, followed by a patient. House was lounging against the wall nearby. "Don't let him see," Chase hissed. He and Foreman stuffed the custards into their mouths quickly.

House, who had been watching the entire exchange, said gleefully, "Wilson, look!" He pointed at Chase and Foreman, who abruptly turned into canaries.

"What the…?" Wilson breathed, staring in awe. The patient behind him screamed, and House shoved her back into Wilson's office and closed the door. Just as she finally had the sense to reemerge, Chase and Foreman shed their feathers and resumed their normal appearances. House collapsed onto the floor in a fit of laughter.

"House!" Foreman demanded angrily. "What was that?"

"Canary creams," House gasped, pulling himself up by his cane. Wilson gave an exasperated laugh.

"That was _you_?" Chase asked. "You sent those?"

House nodded. "You guys made great canaries, I must say. Much better than the nurse I tested that on."

Foreman slowly smiled. "That was pretty good," he agreed.

"No it wasn't," Chase said angrily. "I thought those were from Cameron."

"Told you it would never happen," Foreman pointed out.

"Don't take it personally. Cameron…may have other issues," Wilson reminded them.

"Right," House said. "Let's go."

"Go where?" Chase asked, but House and Wilson were already hurrying away, leaving a disappointed Chase and an amused Foreman standing in a pile of feathers.


End file.
